Ruger John Smith

Yesterday my son Ruger was scheduled to enter this world. We also planned to have our baby boy immediately transferred to the NICU at Primary Children’s Hospital to spend the first 10 to 14 days of his life.  How foolish of me to think this little guy would not continue to surprise me.

Ruger, for those that don’t already know has Spina Bifida, myelomengocele to be more specific. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spina_bifida ) You can check out some of my other blog posts to read about some of our journey when we got his diagnoses at his 20-week ultrasound appointment. 

On the morning of August the 6^th we got in our car with our daughter and headed up to the University of Utah Hospital for a routine check up with the ‘fill-in’ for Ashlie’s OB (Dr. Byrne was on a 2 week trip to Scotland).  As we were heading under the State St. overpass on I-215, Ashlie said she had some sharp pains in her back, and joked ‘what if we had the baby today?’ Not feeling prepared, I did not find her comment very humorous.   Our little man was not due for 12 more days, and was not expected home for 22 days at the earliest.  I had just barely put together his crib and dresser days before, and that is the extent of his bedroom. We had no diapers, wipes, formula, bottles, bedding or a bassinet.  On top of that our house looked as if Tasmanian Devil had been let loose; toys everywhere, kitty litter unchanged, and dishes overflowing worse than a 19 yr old bachelor’s kitchen. 

Before I dive into that day completely: Our son was breech, and had been that way most of the pregnancy. Near 30 weeks, he flipped, and then two weeks later he flipped again. The last thing Ashlie wanted was a C-section; we picked our doctor specifically to handle Ruger’s condition with a natural delivery. A camera in our living room would have been pretty entertaining leading up to August 6^th.  Ever heard of moxibustion? Go look it up! Picture this; I was burning a little black piece charcoal like substance an inch away from my wife’s little toes for 20 minutes at a time. This was all while she laid feet up, head to the ground on an ironing board which was propped up on our couch.  We did this repeatedly! Don’t think were completely crazy, we had Doctors with 10+ years of school recommending this.  I’m surprised the lifeguard didn’t jump in after my 8.5 month pregnant wife doing handstands in the swimming pool. 

Ready or not, the ‘fill in’ midwife let us know that Ashlie was dilated to a 4, most likely in active labor, and she was transferring us to OB Emergency to be monitored for two hours.  We started making arrangements for our daughter to be picked up and making a list of what we needed from the house for our unexpected stay.  Ashlie’s dad met me to pick up Charlie at the front door of the hospital (side note, I was wearing a Utes polo shirt and white shorts, someone tried to hand me their keys to valet their car).  Ashlie had been told they would check her at 12pm, and again at 12:30 pm. At 11:15am I headed for our house, which is usually about 35 to 40 minutes away the hospital.  Ashlie calls me at 11:45am asking where I am, I let her know I was just pulling into our neighborhood. She said you might want to forget the bags and get back up there; this is going to go a lot faster than expected.  She had already had advanced to a 5cm dilation, and they are taking her back for a C-section in less than an hour. In my mind I was thinking 3pm would be the earliest. I pulled into our driveway, and ran through our house not missing a beat grabbing what we needed. I was back up at that hospital in 18 minutes.  Did you know the Highway Patrol will not escort you up to the hospital?  Oh well, they got a fair warning for the high-speed maneuvers I pulled.

The doctor on shift was handling an emergency with another patient, so we waited in the operating room with 9 other people for 20 extra minutes. He walked in, and Ruger John Smith was born at 1:12pm. 7lb 4oz, 20.5 inches long. He did not come out very perky, as the doctor put it. He was immediately handed through a window with out us really able to get a look at him.

I was invited back minutes later, his vitals continued to normalize and everyone started to slow the pace down. I’m going to keep some details to myself, but I got a few priceless minutes in the NICU meeting my son. Primary Children was preparing for his arrival, and it was decided that Ruger was doing so well, that there was no need to go to their intensive care. In fact they even allowed a detour stop to meet his mommy. I am very grateful this was allowed, as Ash would not be able to make the trip to see him for quite a while.

Ruger arrived with his fluid filled sac not ruptured, which is pretty rare, but a great thing because it made him less prone for infection. The sac or lesion was higher up on his back than everyone had thought (L5), which typically means more complications the higher it is.  He also has vertical talus feet, (similar to club feet) this had not shown up in any of the ultrasounds.   

They kept him on his stomach for 24 hours. Still stable, and the sac still not ruptured, they took him for surgery. The neurosurgeon Dr. Bollo had said 2 hours. I would say I was extremely calm and relaxed for the first 75 minutes.  I had a bite to eat and walked around with my mother and mother in law.  I sat down in the waiting room and got to over hear a doctor explaining to a family that their child’s open-heart surgery had complications. I got up and made the trek back over to my wife.  It took 4 hours from the time I left his side to the time he arrived back in his room.  The surgery went extremely well, the sac and deformed skin were removed and Dr. Bollo was able to stitch up a straight line, which is not common from what I have seen.

I cannot express how amazing our care was at Primary Children’s. Dr. Bollo made me feel as if my son was his only patient. He continuously dropped by my room to check on Ruger and I. He walked over to The U, and gave Ashlie updates on multiple occasions. Our many other doctors and nurses were incredible. I cannot thank them enough.  We were able to go home just 5 days after his surgery! 

Ruger as of right now has no signs of hydrocephalus, bladder seems to be fully functioning, bowels are still in question. He will get casts on August 31^st to begin moving his feet/hips, a new cast will be put on weekly for 6 weeks. He will have appointments with his pediatrician, urologist, physical therapist, Dr. Bollo, and the out patient Spina Bifida clinic.

Over the past 18 weeks I have learned so much. The most important advice I can give anyone going through a tough time; remember there is always someone going through something worse. Spending your days feeling sorry for yourself will not help.  I cannot imagine having a child in for open-heart surgery, losing a child, or not even being able to have a child.

I’m very blessed for the outcome that we have had.  It is certainly better than most of the cases. However, I still have a major frustration with the amount of Spina Bifida pregnancies that are terminated, it is disgusting. Our son has a full head of hair, looks like my twin, and brings a constant smile to my face. I could not imagine if someone ended a pregnancy and could have had a perfect little boy or girl like ours. With my writing I hope this can be shared with just one person that changes their decision to get an abortion. There are many options if you are not able to care for the child yourself. I am very open to answer anyone’s questions about our experiences.

While the doctors were amazing, I know that my son has a strength unlike anything I have ever seen. Ruger will never do anything as scheduled or expected. No matter what conditions he has later on, he will never be considered disabled, he will never be treated different in my house. The goals he sets will be accomplished, he will never be limited.  The same goes for my daughter Charlie.  I will never be so foolish again, they will always surprise and impress me. There is no greater gift than having a family.

Where did it come from, or why the name Ruger? Ashlie threw it out there weeks after finding out she was pregnant. It stuck. There is no meaning to the name if you look it up, or story. It certainly did not hurt that I am a gun enthusiast. A Ruger 10/22 is one of the best guns I own, it is resilient, reliable, and accurate. A Ruger .357 Mag was the first pistol I bought for Ashlie, it was compact, sleek, a little wild, and certainly packed a punch.  I love that this special little guy will have a unique strong name that you do not hear. 

I owe so many people thanks, I will miss some and I apologize for that:

Thank you to my wife Ashlie, for being way stronger than you think you are.  For giving me two beautiful children. And thank you for being my best friend.

Thank you to our moms who were by our sides, day and night, whenever we needed them.  They are the most amazing women I know. 

Thank you to my sisters for creating a fundraiser on Ruger’s behalf.

Thank you to those that donated. I was blown away and broke down into tears on multiple occasions. I was so humbled, the media can make the world look ugly, you showed me how wrong they are. That money is still sitting in an account untouched. Assuming/Hoping Ruger’s care will be covered for the most part by insurance; this money will be given to a deserving family OR to some kind of Spina Bifida awareness program.

Thank you to our siblings and parents for the constant reminder that they are a phone call away for anything we need. Watching our dogs, checking on our house and cleaning it.

Thank you Alisha, Broch, Kaity, Jill, Lori, Hollie, Kari, Teena, Heidi, Scott, Wendy, Kevin, Shauna, Jen, and others that have brought us dinner since we got home. Such a great help with a newborn!

Thank you Kayleigh for sending us a delicious lunch while we were in the hospital. It was very unexpected, and better than the other options we had. 

Thank you to my amazing team at work, Lori, Michelle, Angie, and Joanne who have kept things running smoothly in my absence. I could not do it with out you. 

Thank you Ashley for getting us diapers, formula, bassinet, and many other things before we got home.

Thank you Ryan for the many blessings you gave to our family. 

Thank you to Lindsey and Cristina for decorating his room. Lindsey you are one of the most creative, selfless, caring person that I have ever met. 

Thank you to the friends, family, and complete strangers that have said so many prayers for our son.

Thank you to anyone that took the time that read this. Appreciating the “little things” makes all the difference.

Lastly, THANK YOU to whomever wrote this on the wall as you enter/exit Primary Children’s connecting bridge to the University of Utah. I walked back and forth at least 15 times a day for 5 days. I read this EVERY SINGLE TIME. You kept me strong throughout it all, and I hope my smile did help somebody.