Yesterday my son Ruger was scheduled to enter this world. We
also planned to have our baby boy immediately transferred to the NICU at
Primary Children’s Hospital to spend the first 10 to 14 days of his life. How foolish of me to think this little guy
would not continue to surprise me.
Ruger, for those that don’t already know has Spina Bifida,
myelomengocele to be more specific. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spina_bifida
) You can check out some of my other blog posts to read about some of our
journey when we got his diagnoses at his 20-week ultrasound appointment.
On the morning of August the 6th we got in our
car with our daughter and headed up to the University of Utah Hospital for a routine
check up with the ‘fill-in’ for Ashlie’s OB (Dr. Byrne was on a 2 week trip to
Scotland). As we were heading under the
State St. overpass on I-215, Ashlie said she had some sharp pains in her back,
and joked ‘what if we had the baby today?’ Not feeling prepared, I did not find
her comment very humorous. Our little man was not due for 12 more days,
and was not expected home for 22 days at the earliest. I had just barely put together his crib and
dresser days before, and that is the extent of his bedroom. We had no diapers,
wipes, formula, bottles, bedding or a bassinet.
On top of that our house looked as if Tasmanian Devil had been let
loose; toys everywhere, kitty litter unchanged, and dishes overflowing worse
than a 19 yr old bachelor’s kitchen.
Before I dive into that day completely: Our son was breech,
and had been that way most of the pregnancy. Near 30 weeks, he flipped, and
then two weeks later he flipped again. The last thing Ashlie wanted was a C-section;
we picked our doctor specifically to handle Ruger’s condition with a natural
delivery. A camera in our living room would have been pretty entertaining
leading up to August 6th.
Ever heard of moxibustion? Go look it up! Picture this; I was burning a
little black piece charcoal like substance an inch away from my wife’s little
toes for 20 minutes at a time. This was all while she laid feet up, head to the ground on an
ironing board which was propped up on our couch. We did this repeatedly! Don’t think were
completely crazy, we had Doctors with 10+ years of school recommending
this. I’m surprised the lifeguard didn’t
jump in after my 8.5 month pregnant wife doing handstands in the swimming
pool.
Ready or not, the ‘fill in’ midwife let us know that Ashlie
was dilated to a 4, most likely in active labor, and she was transferring us to OB Emergency to be monitored for two hours.
We started making arrangements for our daughter to be picked up and
making a list of what we needed from the house for our unexpected stay. Ashlie’s dad met me to pick up Charlie at the
front door of the hospital (side note, I was wearing a Utes polo shirt and
white shorts, someone tried to hand me their keys to valet their car). Ashlie had been told they would check her at
12pm, and again at 12:30 pm. At 11:15am I headed for our house, which is
usually about 35 to 40 minutes away the hospital. Ashlie calls me at 11:45am asking where I am,
I let her know I was just pulling into our neighborhood. She said you might
want to forget the bags and get back up there; this is going to go a lot faster
than expected. She had already had
advanced to a 5cm dilation, and they are taking her back for a C-section in
less than an hour. In my mind I was thinking 3pm would be the earliest. I
pulled into our driveway, and ran through our house not missing a beat grabbing
what we needed. I was back up at that hospital in 18 minutes. Did you know the Highway Patrol will not
escort you up to the hospital? Oh well,
they got a fair warning for the high-speed maneuvers I pulled.
The doctor on shift was handling an emergency with another
patient, so we waited in the operating room with 9 other people for 20 extra
minutes. He walked in, and Ruger John Smith was born at 1:12pm. 7lb 4oz, 20.5
inches long. He did not come out very perky, as the doctor put it. He was
immediately handed through a window with out us really able to get a look at
him.
I was invited back minutes later, his vitals continued to
normalize and everyone started to slow the pace down. I’m going to keep some
details to myself, but I got a few priceless minutes in the NICU meeting my
son. Primary Children was preparing for his arrival, and it was decided that
Ruger was doing so well, that there was no need to go to their intensive care.
In fact they even allowed a detour stop to meet his mommy. I am very grateful
this was allowed, as Ash would not be able to make the trip to see him for
quite a while.
Ruger arrived with his fluid filled sac not ruptured, which
is pretty rare, but a great thing because it made him less prone for infection.
The sac or lesion was higher up on his back than everyone had thought (L5),
which typically means more complications the higher it is. He also has vertical talus feet, (similar to
club feet) this had not shown up in any of the ultrasounds.
I cannot express how amazing our care was at Primary
Children’s. Dr. Bollo made me feel as if my son was his only patient. He
continuously dropped by my room to check on Ruger and I. He walked over to The
U, and gave Ashlie updates on multiple occasions. Our many other doctors and
nurses were incredible. I cannot thank them enough. We were able to go home just 5 days after his
surgery!
Ruger as of right now has no signs of hydrocephalus, bladder
seems to be fully functioning, bowels are still in question. He will get casts on
August 31st to begin moving his feet/hips, a new cast will be put on
weekly for 6 weeks. He will have appointments with his pediatrician, urologist,
physical therapist, Dr. Bollo, and the out patient Spina Bifida clinic.
Over the past 18 weeks I have learned so much. The most
important advice I can give anyone going through a tough time; remember there
is always someone going through something worse. Spending your days feeling
sorry for yourself will not help. I
cannot imagine having a child in for open-heart surgery, losing a child, or not
even being able to have a child.
I’m very blessed for the outcome that we have had. It is certainly better than most of the
cases. However, I still have a major frustration with the amount of Spina
Bifida pregnancies that are terminated, it is disgusting. Our son has a full
head of hair, looks like my twin, and brings a constant smile to my face. I
could not imagine if someone ended a pregnancy and could have had a perfect
little boy or girl like ours. With my writing I hope this can be shared with
just one person that changes their decision to get an abortion. There are many
options if you are not able to care for the child yourself. I am very open to
answer anyone’s questions about our experiences.
While the doctors were amazing, I know that my son has a
strength unlike anything I have ever seen. Ruger will never do anything as
scheduled or expected. No matter what conditions he has later on, he will never
be considered disabled, he will never be treated different in my house. The
goals he sets will be accomplished, he will never be limited. The same goes for my daughter Charlie. I will never be so foolish again, they will
always surprise and impress me. There is no greater gift than having a family.
Where did it come from, or why the name Ruger? Ashlie threw it out there weeks after finding out she was pregnant. It stuck. There is no meaning to the name if you look it up, or story. It certainly did not hurt that I am a gun enthusiast. A Ruger 10/22 is one of the best guns I own, it is resilient, reliable, and accurate. A Ruger .357 Mag was the first pistol I bought for Ashlie, it was compact, sleek, a little wild, and certainly packed a punch. I love that this special little guy will have a unique strong name that you do not hear.
I owe so many people thanks, I will miss some and I
apologize for that:
Thank you to my wife Ashlie, for being way stronger than you
think you are. For giving me two
beautiful children. And thank you for being my best friend.
Thank you to our moms who were by our sides, day and night, whenever
we needed them. They are the most
amazing women I know.
Thank you to my sisters for creating a fundraiser on Ruger’s
behalf.
Thank you to those that donated. I was blown away and broke
down into tears on multiple occasions. I was so humbled, the media can make the
world look ugly, you showed me how wrong they are. That money is still sitting
in an account untouched. Assuming/Hoping Ruger’s care will be covered for the
most part by insurance; this money will be given to a deserving family OR to
some kind of Spina Bifida awareness program.
Thank you to our siblings and parents for the constant
reminder that they are a phone call away for anything we need. Watching our dogs, checking on our house and cleaning it.
Thank you Alisha, Broch, Kaity, Jill, Lori, Hollie, Kari, Teena,
Heidi, Scott, Wendy, Kevin, Shauna, Jen, and others that have brought us dinner
since we got home. Such a great help with a newborn!
Thank you Kayleigh for sending us a delicious lunch while we were in the hospital. It was very unexpected, and better than the other options we had.
Thank you Kayleigh for sending us a delicious lunch while we were in the hospital. It was very unexpected, and better than the other options we had.
Thank you to my amazing team at work, Lori, Michelle, Angie, and Joanne who have kept things
running smoothly in my absence. I could not do it with out you.
Thank you Ashley for getting us diapers, formula, bassinet,
and many other things before we got home.
Thank you Ryan for the many blessings you gave to our family.
Thank you Ryan for the many blessings you gave to our family.
Thank you to Lindsey and Cristina for decorating his room.
Lindsey you are one of the most creative, selfless, caring person that I have
ever met.
Thank you to the friends, family, and complete strangers
that have said so many prayers for our son.
Thank you to anyone that took the time that read this. Appreciating
the “little things” makes all the difference.
Lastly, THANK YOU to whomever wrote this on the wall as you
enter/exit Primary Children’s connecting bridge to the University of Utah. I
walked back and forth at least 15 times a day for 5 days. I read this EVERY
SINGLE TIME. You kept me strong throughout it all, and I hope my smile did help somebody.
We are so glad that he is here and doing so well! We can't wait to meet him. We will be up at the SB clinic on the 28th. It would be so fun if that's when you guys have your appointment. Thank you for sharing your amazing story. I know it will be a huge blessing to someone that will be just started on this crazy but amazing journey. Love you guys!
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful story that I look forward to following. Congrats Ashlie and Family.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to a new life...a better life....this child will amaze you every single day...he will teach you what's really important in life...all of a sudden the small stuff is not so important anymore....you were chosen to be his family...have faith always that he will thrive with more strength and courage than you have ever seen and he will do it while smiling the whole time..good luck with your new spina beautiful life ;)
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