Three years ago today I had one of the hardest days of my life. I was going in for a routine ultrasound. We already knew we were having a boy. We were going to be able to see him again and we were all excited!! Charlie was yapping away like she always does. We were watching some cartoons on the waiting room tv. They called us back. Got me all set up, put the gel all over my belly and started looking at our little boy....... Nick realized it first. He noticed how the nurse was acting and the questions she was asking. I was just looking at the screen watching my baby boy. I remember him asking the nurse something along of the lines of “what are you seeing?” I never thought anything would be wrong. Next words I heard, turned my life upside down. “Spina Bifida”.... my heart sank, I could feel the pit in my stomach growing. My whole chest was sinking. There are no words that could truly describe everything I was feeling. All I could think at first was this nurse has no idea what she's talking about. Not my son. Get the doctor in here. Moments later, the doctor came in and confirmed what the nurse had told us. I was in shock. I had no idea what to say or do. My mom and Reed came and got Charlie. Nick and I took a drive to try and process everything. I think we both wanted to run away. I remember driving in silence. I kept shaking my head. Thinking there is no way this is happening to us. That day will be a day that I will never forget. You feel helpless. You feel like you just lost control of your whole life. You never think it will be you. I was angry. I was sad. I kept wondering what I did wrong. How can I fix this? I never want to feel how I felt that day again. It’s hard to stay strong but staying strong is really the only choice you have. It was hard to constantly put on a smile and not break down.
There are days that I have “I hate Spina Bifida” moments. There are days that I get down on things that Ruger will have to do that others won’t ever even think twice about. There are also days that I get to celebrate something that seems so little but it so big for a tough guy. I’ve learned so much on our short journey with Spina Bifida. We were able to take in Corbin and help him the best we could while he was here with us. That little boy taught me so much about life and continues to do so even though he is not physically here anymore. I was able to build a relationship with Corbin’s family who is now our family. I was able to see all the good that there is in our world. I know that we have many people in our lives who will always be there for us. Who will help us stay strong and positive. I learned a love a never knew before. We will all have our tough days in life. The important thing is how you handle those tough days. How you react to them. How you let them affect you. Take every trail as a learning experience. Grow from it. Learn from it. Come out a better and stronger person than you were before. We have met some amazing people along the way on our Spina Bifida journey. It makes my heart happy to know that we have the support that we do. I love celebrating all of Rugers first with all of you that have followed our journey so far. I get excited when he does something amazing and I get to share it with you all. It’s not all butterflies and rainbows over here, we have our bad days but we like to focus on the good ones. On the happy ones. Now I look back on that day and think If I would have never experienced that day, I would have never met Corbin and been blessed with all that he taught me. I am such a firm believer that everything in our lives happen for a reason.
This whole spina bifida journey has been a crazy one. I wish I could go back to that day and show myself what life is really like. Spina bifida is not a death sentence. You cannot look at Ruger without smiling. There is no way to explain what an amazing, sweet little spirit he is. You just feel it the minute you hold him and he gives you a snuggle. He is the most amazing, happy, sweet little boy you will ever meet. He makes your heart melt. I can't imagine our family without this perfect little boy in it. He continues to impress us every day. He’s had a walker (swoop) for a little over a year now. He can get pretty much anywhere and everywhere with Swoop. He continues to take steps here and there. He talks none stop. He is into everything!! It amazes me how quick that kid can get around and destroy a room in a matter of minutes. He is your typical two year old. He can do everything by himself. #IDoIt is his favorite phrase right now. He has a happy life. He has quality of life. He will continue to prove all the doctors wrong
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